July 6, 2019. One month since my husband, Granger, and I had lost our three-year-old son, River, to a drowning in our backyard pool. It was the first time I had been alone since Riv’s funeral. Granger and our other two children—seven-year-old daughter, London, and five-year-old son, Lincoln—were at my mother-in-law’s for the weekend. I had been with them but came home early. I just needed to be by myself.
I walked into River’s bedroom. He’d never spent much time in here, except to sleep. He’d always been running, climbing, exploring. Or racing around in his go-kart, his red hair swooping wildly. Full speed ahead with the biggest smile on his face, that was Riv.
I stared at his empty crib, at the places he’d chewed on the wood while…
