Table of contents for Issue 269 in Hyper

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim This is controversial, we know. There are arguments to be made for Daggerfall, Morrowind and Oblivion to represent The Elder Scrolls in this list. But Skyrim’s merit carries the most weight. It’s Bethesda’s most convincing fantasy world yet, bringing together varied and spectacular geography, and a civil war storyline that explores the attitudes of its people towards history, to create a land that feels lived in. And those fights against the dragons are also quite cool. DEVELOPER Bethesda Studios PLATFORM PC/360/PS3 RELEASE DATE 2011 Spelunky Derek Yu had been tinkering with a free version of Spelunky on PC for a few years before he polished it up, included an eye-popping graphical overhaul, and released it first on Xbox 360. What is now the definitive version…

Originally we were going to run a list of the top 10 fighting games of all time, but in our attempts to cull our original list of 16 games down to ten we somehow increased the list to over 30 games, so we changed our list to the 20 best fighting games of all time. Then we decided not to number them, because that would be like choosing a favourite child. You could call it a copout, but if you do, we’ll fight you. VIRTUA FIGHTER 2 DEVELOPER: Sega AM2 YEAR: 1996 BEST PLATFORM: Sega Saturn Virtua Fighter 2 was the reason more than one of us in the Hyper bunker purchased a Sega Saturn. The combination of incredible graphics and animation combined with a smooth and deep fighting engine…

CALIFORNIA GAMES (MULTIPLE, 1987) Released on no less than 14 different platforms in the space of a few years, California Games quickly became a staple of just about every videogame diet during the closing moments of the 1980s. A title that in many ways defined a specific era and time, even though it was a loose collection of varied recreational activities and quasi-sports like roller skating, skateboarding, surfing, and hacky sack. Its genius though was its single-controller multiplayer mode that would track progress throughout all activities. No good at surfing? Well then maybe BMX is more your thing. It took the format that we still see today in Olympic themed titles but sharpened it, tightened it, and perfected it. Which explains why there was a time when California Games was…

Every era of gaming has its signature genre. For a brief period in the late 80s and early 90s it was the shoot-em-up. And its spiritual home was the Mega Drive. Released in Japan in 1988, the Mega Drive was designed to allow quick and easy ports of arcade hits. Since shoot-em-ups dominated the arcade scene, they quickly found a second home on Sega’s new console. These titles sustained the system for its first couple of years, and kept Sega in the console race until Sonic came along and changed everything. But that’s a whole other story. Approximately 90 shoot-em-ups were released for the Mega Drive throughout its lifespan. And while their quality varies, they capture a unique moment in time. A world of Japanese imports, smoky arcades, and frantic…

Looking for a brand new console? The PS4 may have been at the top of its game for a while, but all great empires must fall and a strong contender for the next big thing is the Orb – a perfect sphere of glowing black stone I found washed up on the shore. Even the biggest Sony fanboy will be wanting an Orb of their own after reading this list! 1. AT THIS PRICE, YOU CAN’T AFFORD NOT TO EMBRACE THE ORB Let’s face the facts – even during a great sale, you won’t be able to pick up a PS4 for less than $400. But we were able to pick up the Orb for literally nothing, scooping it up off the sand at the beach after only the slightest…

1. SCREW IT, LET’S JUST END IT HERE I GUESS (FAHRENHEIT) Fahrenheit – which is horrifying nonsense, aside from its very good opening ten minutes – ends the same way a damp wet fart might end a date that was already going poorly. After a horrifyingly protracted quick-time event and a sex scene that both comes out of nowhere (and kind of looks like a woman dry-humping a corpse), one of three terrible, undeserved endings kicks in. It feels like Cage was 100 words short of his upper word limit and said ‘fuck it, no need for revisions, I can do this’. 2. JAAAAAASSSSON (HEAVY RAIN) (Ethan’s terrible son Jason wanders off at the mall, disappearing completely in the four seconds Ethan has his back turned) JAAAASON! (Ethan runs around…

1 DANCER OF THE BOREAL VALLEY - It’s in the way that she moves. That backbreaking stoop, that slow, loping gait, those sudden, dazzling pirhouettes, the decayed, ethereal Dancer is mesmerising. And that music. Christ, we get shivers down our spine just typing this. 2 DRAGON SLAYER ORNSTEIN & EXECUTIONER SMOUGH - The real Dark Souls starts here. Yet also in a sense it ends here too. This relentless 2v1 duel atop Anor Londo is not just the geographical summit of the world, it’s also clearly the best fight in the game - a height all subsequent bosses fail to reach. 3 SISTER FRIEDE - Dark Souls 3’s Ringed City DLC is packed with great boss fights and this, a kind of song of ice and fire twist on the…

REINSTALL YOUR OS Backup all your data, wipe your primary drive and reinstall your OS. This is the cheapest and easiest way to get some extra performance from your PC. After a few years of running, your OS will build up a whole load of cruft that takes up valuable cycles, hogs RAM and generally makes your machine run slower than it should. These files aren’t necessarily malignant or malicious, but they are a royal pain in the butt. Regular maintenance can keep your OS running smoothly, but if you haven’t been diligent in clearing out all the accumulated crap from uninstalled programs, hardware changes, driver updates, cookies and the like, then nuking the site from orbit and starting again is a good way to make your PC feel fresh…

1. A BRIEF RESPITE FROM THE HORRORS OF THE FUTURE (Nintendo Switch) Nintendo only put out one game for their aging hardware in 2037, but wow was it ever a nice distraction from the limitless horrors we now face every single day. Although few of us leave our homes now, we enjoyed playing this as we cowered under our blankets. 2. MUTANT BATTLE TRAINING PROGRAM (iPhone XXX) Second might seem high, but few other games released this year actually saved our lives. With radioactive mutants now roaming the streets, lowing and growling as their ability to communicate evolves in disturbing ways, it’s useful to know that their knees are their weak points. 3. LOOT BOX SIMULATOR (PC 2) This retro throwback to a time where loot boxes were an annoyance…

It’s all good and well for racing games to recreate some of the amazing real race tracks from around the world for us to hoon around on, but there’s nothing quite like a good fantasy track to really give you the need for speed. Wide street courses, insane mountain passes and stunning sunsets help make up just a small part of what is a list of my 10 absolute favourite fantasy tracks from different racing games over the years. 1 GRAN TURISMO 6 GRAND VALLEY SPEEDWAY When I think of Gran Turismo, I think of Grand Valley; it’s really that simple. From the technical section before the first tunnel to the picturesque bridge section, each collection of corners flow in and out of each other effortlessly, in a way that…

KRATOS Dad Type: Buff When kids say “my dad could beat up your dad” in the school playground, it’s always a guess at best – how can we truly know who would triumph? Fortunately with Kratos as your dad there’s no need for guessing, as the immortal Spartan carves a gruesome path through enemy dads, leaving a trail of shattered bodies behind him. My own useless father was unable to triumph over even a single enemy dad despite me arranging a series of easy warm-up bouts for him, a feat of abject cowardice which saw me ritually humiliated by staff and students alike. JOEL Dad Type: Gruff “Reliable”, “loyal” and “unable to use a knife without it instantly breaking” are some of the qualities we all look for in a…

WASTELAND You make a wrong turn and suddenly you find yourself trapped, outnumbered five to one. Are they friend or foe? Do they want money, or more? Maybe we can just talk it out? When you stumble across another group of rangers in the Wasteland you’re never sure how it’s gonna pan out. What are you gonna do, ranger? DEVELOPER Interplay PLATFORM Apple II RELEASE DATE 1998 AWESOME Psygnosis games in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s were known for the spectacular fantasy landscapes adoring their covers painted by British artist Roger Dean. But our favourite of the era, the terrifyingly menacing capital ship of Awesome, was actually taken from a painting by John Harris, whose work has graced countless sci-fi novels, too. DEVELOPER Psygnosis PLATFORM Amiga/ Atari ST RELEASE…

Everyone loves a good celebrity, but nobody likes a celebrity death - least of all the celebrities themselves! With so many iconic celebrities deciding it’s their time to “run out of hit points” and “log off”, gamers everywhere are on tenterhooks wondering when they, too, will be hit by a wave of inconsiderate celebrity deaths. We reached out to gaming’s most influential figures to get the low-down on how they’ll leave us emotionally vulnerable. After all, don’t we have the right to know? Read on for the full story. WARREN SPECTOR Invented Choice WARREN: The really fascinating thing about my death in 2018 is that it’s really up to the murderer to decide how it’s going to play out. I’ve spent a lot of time designing the tools and scattering…

1. DAVID BOWIE WAS IN OMIKRON: THE NOMAD SOUL Hello, this is me, James. I am writing this personally, and of my own free volition. I must apologise to David Cage, who I now understand to be a very successful and good man. That is why David Bowie was in his game, Omikron, a game that not even I (and by ‘I’, I mean James) really remember. Omikron’s script was not as long as the scripts for the games that followed, and thus it was not as good. But Cage has met David Bowie and is cooler than me, a lowly critic, as a result. 2. FAHRENHEIT SEX SCENE IS BEST SEX SCENE David Cage definitely knows what sex is. That’s very clear. People often say to him things like,…